When I am on the mat, I feel the kind of feeling that I want to feel all the time. I feel pure bliss. I am in the moment like no other time. I lose all track of what is going on around me and really focus on the task at hand. I am in my body, not my mind. I am breathing and releasing and moving to the rhythm of my breath. I am happy. When I am on my mat, I know that everything really is going to be alright. I know that I can do anything...and I plan on doing a lot.
Today’s yoga class was called “Open Your Heart.” Several months ago, it was a heart opening class that left me in tears. I was scared to go, yet determined to go. I had my eyes on the tissue box and was prepared to weep, but the most amazing thing happened. I didn’t cry. I felt pure joy! As I practiced these heart opening poses, I felt myself become happier and happier and it occurred to me that maybe I didn’t need to cry anymore. Perhaps I really am ready to move forward. The synchronicity of the lessons in my yoga classes and the lessons on my journey through recovery have been nothing less than astonishing. When I say I love yoga, it is a deep, true love kind of love. Opening my heart only served to make me love it even more.
"If it's both terrifying and amazing then you should definitely pursue it." - erada
We moved into reverse warrior pose with one hand sliding down our back leg and one reaching high above. My dear yoga teacher, in her spanish accent that somehow soothes my soul, said we had the choice to look down at our achilles tendon and acknowledge our weaknesses or turn our gaze upward and face our fears. Wow. My eyes had been down, helping me to find my balance. I glanced at my achilles and realized that what I have been doing this past year in recovery has been acknowledging my weakness and, without a pause, I turned my gaze upward toward my outstretched hand and decided it was time to face my fears. How powerful this felt...how terrifying and exhilarating and freeing all at once. If I am going to move toward being fully recovered, I must simply face my fears. All the answers lie in yoga. It has become such an integral part of my journey. And had I been simply doing this pose it would have never occurred to me that shifting my gaze could shift something deep within me. I am so grateful to my yoga teacher for posing the question within the pose that brought me exactly where I needed to be. Namaste.